Dear Commissioner Dan, Your opponent would have thought of this but he’s not around (MIA) so I’m here to help.
We pay a lot of money in taxes to deal with snow, Commissioner Dan! And what do we get for it? I noticed that the county is just pushing the snow to the side of the roads. It’s happening everywhere! If snow costs the county so much money, why fritter it away by leaving it just sit on the side of the road to melt? Why aren’t the commissioners working on a program to recover this valuable commodity and get some kind of return for our tax dollars? We could employ a lot of heavy equipment operators to haul that stuff to market where the hard working people of our community could get a return on their investment. Then we could afford to buy things like sand, glycol and daylight without paying more taxes. In heavy winters, tax payers could get a huge refund. This is the kind of “out-of-the-box” thinking I’m going to bring to the office when I run for commissioner.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)
Commissioner Dan’s Response: Thomas, what the plows do is of course collect the snow and put it in a more concentrated form. Once that is complete, we have a special crew of gnomes that carefully transport the snow using tablespoons to an area where the County converts it to sunshine. Unfortunately, the time it take for collection and conversion is months so we don’t realize the positive affects of the County’s snow-to-shine conversion until about June however, that collected snow provides the extra daylight we all enjoy during the summer months. It’s a secret so please don’t share this info but we cleverly hide this top secret program by telling folks that the days are longer in the summer due to the earth’s tipping at it’s axis. To date, we have been able to keep this secret and fool the public in every County in this country so again, promise me you won’t let this leak out.
This is but one secret program all the Counties in the US operation right under the noses of the citizens without them suspecting anything. I wish I could divulge the secret about ocean tides and the real reason pizza boxes are square when the pizza is round but, well you know, I took an oath.
Originally Posted: 12/12/2018
URL: https://www.facebook.com/dan.mcdonald1/posts/10212570632852511