How to judge a church

March 29th, 2023

In progress…

Many Churches listed here wear the Christian moniker even though some of them are completely at odds with each other with regards to their theology. Most churches have very good children’s programs. All of these churches (I’m guessing) would say they have biblical sermons. You might want to ask more questions…

1.) What is a biblical sermon? Is the pastor more of a “life coach” that reads a verse and then spends the rest of the sermon telling you how to live a successful, peaceful life in the world? Is the pastor a student of the bible that spends his week studying the verses he will be preaching on to expose details about the author, the culture of the time, how the audience would have understood the verse, what theological principles in the verse are corroborated in other books of the bible, your responsibility to act on the verse, how the verse points to the gospel message of Jesus Christ, and how to apply it today?

2.) What is the gospel message of Jesus Christ? Does the church preach all about God’s love, believing in Jesus and that if you love others, you’re going to heaven. I think all churches would agree about God’s love. Demons believe in Jesus, so do Muslims. Atheists love others. Apparently there must be more to the gospel message. Consider this, if the Gospel is good news, what’s the bad news? Is the bad news more than just the challenges of this life? What about when you fail to love others? What if you question your belief in Jesus at times? If God is love, why do bad things happen to good people? The gospel answers and addresses all of these things. If the gospel message you hear doesn’t include your responsibility for sinning, and Jesus responsibility for your sin, addressing hell as the consequences of sin, then you may not be hearing the same gospel the Apostles preached in the bible. Jesus paid it all and yet there’s still a hell, so someone isn’t included in the word all. If you’re unsure of your security in heaven, you may want to find a church that addresses this using the word of God — the Bible.

3.) Does the church address sin as “sin” and the consequences that result from sin, or just make light of them as mistakes that God can overlook? Hint: God cannot overlook even the smallest sin. Does the church say that Jesus died for your sin and then explain that you need to be a good person who helps others and does good deeds in order to go to heaven? Or does is say that Jesus paid it all and that unsaved people can do good works in the eyes of the world but not in the eyes of God who requires a perfect standard? And how might one achieve that perfect standard? How do our efforts play into salvation if Jesus paid the price in full?

4.) Is the church structure dictated by the pastor, tradition, or the Bible? The bible has some very clear instructions for the structure of the church, qualifications for those who preach, titles of church offices (hint: there are only two mentioned), and even the proper handling of discipline in the church that is designed to bring wayward believers back into the fold rather than push them away through punishment.

5.) Are there biblical roles of men that is different from women based on their differences, roles in the family, purpose and responsibility that do not demean one over the other? Does the church recognize that men and women are different in some ways and very much equal other ways in the eyes of God?

6.) Does the church teach that Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit are A) three different Gods? B) One God that manifests himself in three ways? C) Three co-equal persons in the same deity?

Sometimes we simply don’t know what we don’t know. Maybe some of these questions will help all of us question the church we want or the church we attend. Seek the truth for the rest of your life and don’t stop asking questions. It will set you free.

Asbury, revival?

March 13th, 2023

“The Christian world is in a deep sleep. Nothing but a loud voice can waken them out of it!” George Whitefield, 1739 during the Great Awakening. The Church today is in desperate need of a revival, no doubt. I long for a revival of The Church. Unfortunately, the truth of Scripture is too often set aside in pursuit of the emotional high of a mystical experience.

The Great Awakening was a dramatic revival that began in New England as early as 1726. As observed by Jonathan Edwards, the number of conversions showed a remarkable increase. Edwards published his first book on the revival in 1736. He could not know that what he was witnessing were the first hints of the greatest revival in American history that continued to 1740. By the time it was over, virtually every community in the colonies had been effected by the revival. It was marked by strong preaching, a resurgence of sound doctrine, emphasis on justification by faith, powerful conviction of sin, conversions, and dramatically transformed lives. The Great Awakening as it was known lasted not fourteen days, but about fourteen years. In Timothy and Titus, God is clear about how men can judge the sanctification of men by patiently observing them over time before enlisting them in an office of the church. Time is one solid tool that God has given us to judge what we don’t know. By this measure, Asbury was hardly a blip.

When you heard of Asbury, were you revived? Not just inspired, given a good feeling, or warmed in your heart, but REVIVED? If you knew the Holy Spirit was acting upon His people in a miraculous way, how would it effect you? What in your life changed as a result of Asbury? Maybe you didn’t need reviving, or maybe this wasn’t a revival.

Traditionally though a revival is something that is almost dead that is brought back to life and health. Thus a revival of the church is a revival of an almost dead church, brought back to the source of life (Christ) by the Holy Spirit. Revival can be personal. A backslidden Christian can experience the working of the Holy Spirit through the reading, study, hearing and conviction of God’s word. A church (as opposed to The Church) can move from preaching that exemplifies a life coach to handling God’s word as a sword that lifts up faithful believers to be accountable, discipline and disciplined by elders faithful submission to, study, preaching and exposure of the word of God.

Yet some churches don’t need a revival. John MacArthur once said in a sermon, ‘People sometimes say to me, “Have you ever had a revival in your church?” and I say, “Well, no, we’ve never been dead.” So, what’s to revive?’ Which leads me to ask, was Asbury dead? If it needed reviving, why was it allowed to die in the first place?

Many people measure a revival by it’s trappings. It went on many hours, hundreds or thousands of people attended, there was singing, there was prayer, tongues, healings, miracles, conversions, baptisms, visiting preachers, and on and on. If this is the earmarks of a revival, then revivals happen every Sunday at charismatic churches all over the world. While a revival may have some of these things, I challenge the premise that these things are indicative of a revival. There are many examples of fake TV evangelists who can gin up all of the above using trickery, emotional manipulation, and fakery by actors in the audience — without any need of the Holy Spirit. In fact, I myself have experience being “slain in the spirit” on more than one occasion. I can testify that I don’t think it had anything to do with the Holy Spirit but another spirit. It seems that the church today follows feelings and emotional euphoria to be the final arbiter of any legitimate move of God.

I’ve seen fliers promoting an event where a visiting evangelist is coming for a revival in town. It’s amazing how the Holy Spirit is in obedient submission to the evangelist. After all, the evangelist can schedule a time when the Holy Spirit will show up and perform on queue like a circus bear, pack up, and head off to the next revival. Is that really how the bible describes the working of the Holy Spirit? If the revival was generated by THE Holy Spirit, why doesn’t the excitement of the church that promoted it infect everyone and every church in the area like a forest fire? Instead, the evangelistic efforts of the group peter out before the checks are cashed.

What if I said “I went to a revival and there were people praying, singing, reading the bible, preaching and levitating.” Hopefully something in that statement brought into question the entirety of the statement. Yet when people say Asbury has all the earmarks of a revival and there was also heretical behavior, people set aside their skepticism, discernment, biblical knowledge and praise God for the revival. People who are skeptical by nature simply believe that the Holy Spirit performed a miracle by stepping into the course of humanity and generated a revival of God’s people that spread out for 4 city blocks, 100,000 people attended over time, prayers were prayed, a dozen songs (some written by non-Christians) were sung over and over, the bible was preached a few times and even by women, people spoke in tongues without interpreters, a woman was psychosomatically healed of a sprained ankle, there were news stories of how long this lasted, in interviews people spoke of the Holy Spirit moving in the church, endorsements came from at least two known heretical preachers, many people felt the love of Jesus, and when this movement couldn’t be contained any longer and was about to explode on the world… the president of the college scheduled the shutting down of the Holy Spirit so they could get back to the activities of their Christian college. Hopefully some things in that statement brought into question the entirety of the statement. I think as a whole, this was not a revival. I believe though that some people, in spite of all the nonsense, were moved by the Holy Spirit and experience true revival in their spiritual lives that will go on to effect the lives of many others. At least I hope so.

I’m confident that when the Holy Spirit causes a revival, God’s word will be preached in Spirit and in truth, the entirety of The Church will be held up by the Holy Spirit and never tire or wain in faith, and there won’t be room for skepticism, even by people like me. Does anyone expect anything less from the God of the universe?

Evergreen forests

March 4th, 2020

RANT: Dear Commissioner Dan, Now that the snow is beginning to melt and I look out my window at the local forests, it reminds me that the county is taking in green hand-over-fist. And frankly, it’s monotonous.  I’m not here to complain about taxes this time although I would like to discuss the fact that you’re not collecting the gravel put down on the roads for reuse next winter. No, I’m talking about the monochrome green that you see when looking at the pine forests of Bonner County. Can’t you people be a little more creative for the amount we pay you with our hard earned cash. Yes, I know they’re evergreens (except when they’re not). But why green? Do the commissioners realize that “Experts estimate that we can distinguish perhaps as many as 10 million colors”? (Wyszecki, Gunter. Color. Chicago: World Book Inc, 2006: p824. I can use the internets, too) . Did you know that Razzmatazz, Fallow, and Caput Mortuum are names of colors? Why can’t the commissioners make laws that encourage more color in our local forests? Sure, they get snow flocking on them in the winter but did I mention 10 million colors?! That’s like one color for every person in Bonner County every year for a really long time. And I’m not just talking about in the fall. I say, out with the evergreen and in with the everpurple. Dang, my spell checker tells me that everpurple isn’t even a word. When I’m elected commissioner, I will fix that, too.

~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Original Post:

Nuclear Heat In Our Homes

February 3rd, 2020

RANT: Dear Commissioner Dan, I hope you’re enjoying the heat my tax dollars pay for in your luxury office in that ivory tower county office building. I’m not fooled by the milder weather lately; we all know how cold North Idaho can get and how high our heating bill climbs on those cold days. I know the commissioner job is difficult when it comes to getting people on board with truly innovative ideas that will make everyone happier. Maybe people are just cold to the idea that government doesn’t warm people’s hearts. I’m going to change that. The other day I saw on a reliable internet news source that Idaho is home to a national laboratory that does nuclear stuff. As a result of their poor management and inability to think creatively, they have lots of “hot” nuclear waste that will be lying around for a few hundred thousand years.  When I say “hot,” I mean hotter than the halftime show at the Superbowl. These “scientists” make more than commissioners and yet they can’t figure out how to use this stuff for anything. And that’s when it hit me like a bolt out of the blue! What if the county commissioners simply used this waste to heat water and pipe it to every home in Bonner County? I could eliminate the expense of my electric water heater which would then pay for the new pipes. But wait, what if there were already pipe in place to most of the houses in the county that we could use? What I’m referring to is using the same pipes that bring the internet to our homes invented by Al Gore. The dual use of these pipes will guarantee savings and give the county some serious bucks with which to populate the entire county with $4000 garbage cans like they have in Sandpoint. At first they seem ridiculously expensive but those cans are connected to the internet via WIFI and can wirelessly transport the garbage to the dump through the pipes. Now imagine the savings and convenience of having these babies near your house! We may need to find another use for the dump trucks. I’m working on a secret program involving dump trucks and transporting kids to school but I’ll save that for another post. The challenges commissioners face topple over like dominoes when a creative person with a lot of idle time starts thinking of solutions. When the county realizes the benefit of having a resource like me, my election to be commissioner will be a landslide.

~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Original Post:

Nothing says Bonner County like 1907

January 1st, 2020

RANT: Dear Commissioner Dan, Welcome to 2020! I hope you didn’t think that I would let up on you just because today is a holiday.  When I’m commissioner, I will work tirelessly for the wonderful people of Bonner County. Finish this sentence, “Nothing says Bonner County like _______.” Some things that come to mind might be trains, lakes, mountains, huckleberries, guns, politics, wildlife and “1907”. Yep, “1907” appears to be the official motto of Bonner County. It’s emblazoned on the logo on the Bonner County website ( ). I’m not too sentimental, but is that really the best we can do? Do you welcome guests with, “Welcome to Bonner County where we’ve been proud of our motto, ‘1907’ for the last 113 years!”?

And that logo! Seriously? Go look at the logo again and tell me it doesn’t look like the view from a periscope on one of the submarines in the lake. Go, look, I’ll wait. What kind of a tree is that? I suspect it’s a Ponderosa Pine but being cut off, it looks like a palm tree. So we have a palm tree growing directly out of the lake in North Idaho. Behind it are snow covered mountains in front of a white sky – with the contrast of snowflakes in milk. And of course, “Idaho” is under water. I have no idea where this logo came from but now I’m worried that some 46 year old woman is upset because she won the Jr. High Bonner County Logo contest back in 1974. Deary, it’s a beautiful logo, bless your heart.

When I’m commissioner I’m going to venture into unfamiliar territory. I know this boarders on creative, but how about we come up with a new county motto. What better way to meet new people to disagree with than a discussion about an all encompassing moniker that will describe and unify every person in the county? We can announce it during the upcoming gun show at the fairgrounds. This will bring people together and lower the population at the same time.

It’s going to disappoint my mom that I’m not putting forth some of my own little ditties here, but I don’t want everyone else to feel inadequate. After all, I was the one who proudly came up with the slogan, “Nooses for Gooses” in reference to the campaign to get rid of the geese at City Beach.

Let’s wait until “what’s-her-name” (the logo artist, formerly known as Gladys) kicks the bucket before we redesign the logo. Maybe by then I’ll be a commissioner and just make the logo a drawing of the new sculpture in the round-about on Division. After all, nothing says Bonner County, Idaho like a $90K sculpture created in Seattle, Washington. At least if we have it on our logo, tourists heading up to Schweitzer will think the sculpture was done on purpose.

In the mean time, I’m heading down to the DMV for a vanity license place that says it all, “7B 1907”.

~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Original post:

Polar Votex Attack On USA

December 1st, 2019

RANT: Dear Commissioner Dan, everyone knows about the chem-trails the federal government, at the behest of big pharma, is raining down on us in order to weaken our immune system so they can inject mercury into our veins through vaccines in order to make us more appetizing to aliens. While that’s true, I’m writing about a much more insidious plot to take over America. I’m referring to the cold war that Canadians have launched against the USA. My friends tell my I’m crazy but when you look at a map of a “polar vortex” – what country does it originate from? Right now, the Kanooks are burning millions of acres of forests just to weaken our defenses before the entire Canadian military, all 645 of them, will come marching across the international boarder to take over our country – eh? It’s no secret that they’re already militarizing the sport of hockey. Just imagine what Facebook would be like if everyone had to be nice. I digress. I feel very vulnerable that the only military installation we have in this county is the almost vacant National Guard outpost in Bonners Ferry. At least it’s not as bad as some unmentioned county that has a submarine base some 375 miles from the nearest ocean. It really makes me wonder if the aliens haven’t gotten to the commissioners of nearby counties – are you next? And even if it’s not so diabolical, the commissioners need to stop this from happening because it is causing harm to men, women, and children.  Did you catch the part where I mentioned “the children”? Clearly this means I’m very serious. As commissioner I would rally the resources of the county and to demand that Canada stop their insidious behavior. This would assure all of us the comfort of clean air and milder winters. I am handing you a chance to be an American hero on a silver platter, Commissioner Dan. If you want, I will personally drive you to the boarder of Canada where you can demand to see their leader. I have stockpiled enough tinfoil for the two of us. Let’s make a difference.

Now that someone is shooting video of the County Board beatings… I mean meetings, I can hold you accountable from the comfort and security of my mom’s basement. I know if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake. Merry Christmas, Commissioner Dan. 
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Originally posted:

Commissioner Dan responds…

Thomas, sorry for my delayed response. I was actually doing recon over the border in Canadian territory and was radio silent for several days. I chose a Caribou costume as I know how much the Canadians love their Caribou however it created some unintended consequences.

After day three of my recon I was shot with a tranquilizer gun and relocated to a Caribou breeding pen. Now I’ve never been in prison and not only am heterosexual but also like to keep “relations” within my own species so the stress and the associated violence was a bit much. I was finally able to make my escape by exchanging my Caribou costume for a Trump mask. Trudeau immediately had me deported back the US…..thank God.

My recon was important is gaining knowledge of troop strength and overall ready status.

I am confident that our upcoming invasion will be successful. We have mobilized elite personnel from some County staff along with a brigade of folks from retirement centers. They are cranky and itching for a fight but only until Matlock comes on at 5 and then we have to take the night off. We have found an untapped resource in our more mature members of our society that are fed up with just about everything and are tired of having to yell at folks to get off their lawn. We are channeling that anger for our upcoming assault.

Soon, the USA will be the proud owners of the country to the north that we will rename, US part B or USB for short.

I must refrain from giving out too much more info and have to go pick up some tactical walkers for those that need it along with some additional medication that include some interesting side effects.

It’s important to not underestimate our elders in the community with their years of experience and wisdom. We have given them purpose and look forward to their great victory and to stopping the invasion from the north…….winter is coming!

Daylight Savings

November 1st, 2019
RANT: Dear Commissioner Dan, we’re finally getting back the hour of life that the federal government took from us last spring. With the government making the days shorter and then longer, taking away an hour and then giving it back, it’s driving me crazy (that’s figurative! I passed my quarterly psych evaluation last week). Am I the only one who feels just a little like the government is running some large scale experiment? Add to this the chemtrails, Area 51, crop circles, the fake moon landing, and this is a full blown conspiracy. As a county commissioner, you have the responsibility to enforce Article VI of the constitution (The Supremacy Clause) if the state of Idaho doesn’t do it. You need to take control and get rid of this daylight savings time shenanigans.
Also, while you’re at it, by adding an hour or two to each day, we can all have more time to relax. With a 27 hour day we can work for 8 hrs and come home and spend more time with our cats; Or dogs for those mentally infirm. I hope your dog is doing well by the way. Just make sure the extra two hours are added after 5:30 so I’m done working on my business enterprise selling recycled feeding tubes on the internet before I get to enjoy the extra time. The result will be a happier community without all the bickering on social media. Trust me, ever since I cut down my work day by two hours, my entire demeanor has improved. I haven’t been banned from any Facebook groups for posting incendiary comments about the FDA withholding the cure for cancer because of the kick backs they get from big pharma (even though we know it’s true).
I heard you say that “write in candidates never get elected” and we know why that is, Dan? Because you have rigged the system against me. But I’m running a positive campaign and will surely prove you wrong because the people of Bonner County need someone with creative ideas, who loves cats, and who knows which conspiracies are really true. That person is me and that is why, along with the fact that I bought the statue of the real Maltese Falcon on Ebay, I’m going to show you wrong and win the election for commissioner of Bonner County. I guess I should capitalize “Commissioner”, shouldn’t I? … Commissioner of Bonner County.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Originally Posted:


Anatomy of an Election

October 1st, 2019

RANT: Dear Commissioner Dan, Sandpoint’s elections are well under way, why aren’t they addressing the important issues? I don’t understand why the commissioners of our county don’t do something about the most obvious concern that nobody is paying attention to? It’s been ignored by the city council and mayor for years. I guess everyone except me is willing to go along to get along. I’m a no-nonsense get-er-done kind of person writing letters to inspire people like you to do your job right. Part of that means you have to give up the name calling. I heard you say this in one of your campaign speeches and I let it go because I thought it was an oversight. That is until I heard it repeated by someone else. Designating Sandpoint as “The county seat” has a lot of implications regarding the anatomy of Bonner County. This kind of personification (you know I’m upset when I use six syllable words) is contempt on a scale that is far below the role of commissioner. This resulted in you using my tax money to pay $90 million to create a bypass around the town along the lake shore so as to block their view of the lake. Aren’t there better, more productive ways to resolve your differences? What about a tug-of-war between the new mayor and yourself, or big mud wrestling match between the newly elected city council members and the county commissioners.  You could wear costumes that include Speedo swimsuits and masks that make it look very professional like I’ve seen on TV. By charging people five bucks to attend you can raise money for a good cause, like giving every citizen who attends $5.00 to show how much you love them.  You see, Dan, while the candidates are fighting, you could be fighting to bring people together and create harmony rather than making Sandpoint the butt of your jokes, literally. After all, Sandpoint has the court house, the sheriff’s office, the DMV, hall of records, our hospital, the Army Surplus store, and I believe your office is there as well. With so much business and government activity being conducted there Sandpoint might better be called something like “The Capital of Bonner County”. Perhaps a suitable name can be determined by the three county commissioners in one of your big-wig meetings that I see on the interwebs. Or you can simply wait until I’m voted in as commissioner as my own campaign is really getting under way now that I’ve been writing these hard hitting letters for a year now. I’ve gotten a lot of really positive feedback about these letters from my favorite aunt and mom (Hi Mom!). Anyway, I have to close but wanted to keep you abreast of my thoughts… I mean, apprised of my thoughts.

~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Originally posted:


Snow Plows in Summer

September 4th, 2019

RANT: Dear Commissioner Dan, just because we are rural doesn’t mean we have to be uncivilized. I’d been thinking about a deer carcass I’d seen on the side of Highway 95 that died when it tried to occupy the same space and time as a Ford F-250. At the time I was with some visiting friends from the big city and they were upset when they saw body of the deer lying on the side of the road. I just didn’t have the heart to let them think that we often just leave the animals there to rot. So, I explained that on cold nights the deer like to sleep along the roads because the ground there is warmed by the sun. I told them that the deer is not dead; that this sweet creature is sleeping peacefully and will get up later in the day to frolic among the huckleberries. They were quite relieved by this and we went on our merry way. I guess I lost the chance to teach someone how to gut and quarter a deer before loading it into my car.  This was a mistake that became clear when they became suspicious the next day when the same deer was lying in the same position in the same spot. I mentioned something about “migration patterns”. They were inconsolable on the third day when they realized that this deer was very much dead. I guess there’s only so much we can do to hide the blemishes of rural life.

Speaking of blemishes, my tax dollars are currently paying for snow plows and trucks that are sitting idle at this very moment. It’s 2:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep but even if it were the afternoon they’d be sitting there rusting in some Chernobyl like waste land somewhere in Bonner County.  It’s often during these quiet times when my mom’s asleep that I come up with some of the most brilliant contributions to the county. Since we’re paying for these plows already, why not put them to work in the summer as well as winter. “But how?” I asked myself (because there’s nobody else here). And that’s when it struck me like a deer in headlights… literally.

Surely the men who run the plows are getting paid to do nothing during the summer. We could have them answer the phones when county citizens call in and report a dead deer, moose, skunk, whatever on the side of the road. These men who spend the summers keeping the dust off plows can be dispatched with their big trucks and big plows to go and, shall we say, make sport of the carcass and move it away from the road in a beautiful flight like an angel that just got its wings. This will result in fertilizing the grass along the roads. Such a service would make the county more pleasant and litter free. This is another win-win that I thought of and the kind of creative thinking I’m going to bring to the county when I’m elected commissioner. I don’t understand why the commissioners can’t work a little harder at 2:30 in the morning to come up with ideas like this.

~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Original Posted:

Commissioner Dan’s Response: Thomas, you may not know that during the summer months we send our plow trucks to Florida to stay at the Villages retirement community. There they help keep flamingo’s, crabs and some New York retirees off of the cart paths at the golf course, a far easier job than plowing snow. This allows the proper amount of time for them to get the rest they need before migrating north to Bonner County to serve the taxpayers.

While in Florida, we have a specially trained group of dolphins who do the operating. As you know, the dolphins are warm water creatures which would explain why we don’t use them full time here in Bonner County.

As far as the men who run the plows and their work during the summer, we have them busy doing a great number of things. Many of them get involved in helping train young fish on how to swim and helping a few of the slow learner birds on proper flight technique. We have also found that many of our Road and Bridge operators fill in for the Umpa Lumpa’s at Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory providing an extension to their public service.

All joking aside, the plow trucks get converted to dump trucks for summer road work and our operators, who in my opinion are some of the best I’ve seen, are out doing road improvements all summer. They are also responsible for keeping rampaging elephants and Polar Bears out of Bonner County. Most folks recognize their good work as you don’t ever see rampaging elephants or Polar Bears anywhere in Bonner County.

But thanks again Thomas for thinking outside the box and coming up with solutions instead of just complaining. I look forward to seeing you run for office.

-19 Degrees, August 13th

August 13th, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, this may be the last time you ever hear from me because I froze to death. So far, our water pipes have burst, I have frostbite, 3 deer have frozen to death on my lawn, and a bear has begun hibernating in my shed. Needless to say it hasn’t gone unnoticed here in Cocolalla that you’ve left the air conditioner running and you’re simply wasting taxpayer money on electricity. Don’t make me come down to the county building to deal with this. Well, I can’t anyway because my car won’t start but that’s not the point. Very angry. Very cold.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Daylight Shaving Time

August 5th, 2019
RANT: Dear Commissioner Dan, as you know on December 18th, 2018 we had a rather heated exchange here on Facebook. Please don’t tell me you don’t remember because it was a critical issue that I brought to light (literally). You made a promise and I was very grateful because it “appeared” that you were truly a man of your word. Fool me once, Commissioner Dan! I’m sure that you recall, but maybe some others have forgotten because they were lulled into a false sense of enlightenment by your slick words so here’s the conversation:
It would appear that the county is going back on its grant of daylight to the people of our community. This is simply not acceptable and shows the dark side of government. He that giveth can also taketh away-ith! Has there been some decrease in our taxes? Nope – and yet services are decreasing by the day in such small incremental amounts that most people won’t notice. Believe me, I’m losing sleep over this and it’s your fault. Good grief man, have you no heart? Do you not realize what this means??? (Note THREE question marks because I demand answers!). I didn’t want to disclose why I wanted more daylight back then but since we’re almost colleagues in government with me running for election, I feel that I can open up to you a little more. Just you, nobody else. I lay in bed at night, I noticed that it’s getting darker at 8:00 p.m. and the beasts that live under my bed begin to stir earlier and earlier. They don’t take kindly to daylight and so, my life has been more peaceful with the increase in daylight and some changes to my medications. But now, I can only imagine dark days ahead. Stop it, Commissioner Dan, give us our money’s worth of daylight. Don’t test this man of action. I’m desperate and I don’t like to make threats but I know where you live. If I can’t sleep for fear of my life, you are going to know what it’s like to lose the sleep which you hold dear. If I can’t sleep, you and your wife are going to wake up with nightmares, in cold sweats, terrorized by your greatest fear. If I can’t sleep, you can expect to see my silhouette showing up in your bedroom doorway …asking for a glass of water every single night until you return daylight to the citizens of Bonner County.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Original Posted: 8/5/19

Commissioner Dan’s Response: Thomas, first of all, this is fake news. The days are not getting shorter, it’s just your imagination brought on by paranoia, a common side effect of your medication. I would suggest you see your doctor soon about a change in your current medication and dosage.

As far as the beasts under your bed, in your closest in your head (to quote the great philosophers Metallica), those are actually real and the County has complete control over them. They are more than happy to do our evil bidding. So there are two ways this can go and neither are good for you LOL.

In reality, we thought we had a solution regarding our ability to stop the axis of the earth from tipping in it’s normal yearly cycle however the $100 million dollars of taxpayer money we spent (oh by the way, your property taxes just tripled because of this) was apparently a failure. We thought purchasing 10,000 winged unicorns to fly to the north pole and use their amazing winged powers to keep the earth from slowly tipping on it’s axis would work. Unfortunately, the Unicorns unionized and are now on a work strike. They want to be paid in Sasquatch meat, a rare delicacy for them and we just haven’t been able to find a single Big Foot to freed them. By the way, the search costs for Big Foot have escalated to just under $50 million so your taxes will have to double to pay for that as well.

We at the County will continue to spend as much as we can to help make good on this promise and have an idea which includes contracting with the Loch Ness monster, Leprechauns and some witches in hopes of achieving our promise for you. Money is clearly no object or barrier to achieving our goal to provide you with day after day of improved sunlight and warm temperatures. Of course money is no object because the only money the County has we take from you, so, fear not.

Keep your sunscreen handy as I think this time it may work.

Serving Rural America

July 2nd, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, It’s been my observation that some services aren’t being provided throughout the county but instead are concentrated in areas of greater population. This kind of classist system might be acceptable in some third world countries but I’m shocked to find that my family is on the list of “Have-Nots” in this community. It’s completely hit or miss when it comes to local deliveries. Good companies like UPS and FedEx have no problem delivering my favorite porcelain goat figurines for my collection from afar but when it comes to some local items – we in rural Bonner County are simply underserved. Could it be that city people get more attention because there are more voters and tax money there? I should hope not. Why is it that a simple thing like pizza deliveries is a total stumbling block for the commissioners to resolve? Is there anyone in the entire county that doesn’t like pizza? NO! I know from where you live you can’t get pizza delivered and yet you just ignore the problem that affects every man, woman, child, pets and many livestock in the county. I’ve never been accused of being a man-of-action until I started running for commissioner. Clearly, I’m the kind of visionary this community needs. I like you, Dan, and I’d be willing to work side-by-side as a fellow commissioner with you, but when it comes to solving problems in this county, you have to step up to the plate (pun intended). And don’t try to sell me on some frozen pizza delivered from afar via FedEx. Please, focus on the local pizza delivery issue because there are people starving for it in the community. Are you just going to let people, maybe your own neighbors, starve? Once this takes off, we can discuss the type of pizza that most people want. Being from Chicago-land, deep-dish is my favorite but there are many others who make a pizza shaped object that tastes good, too. And to all the pizza shop owners reading this, nobody in Bonner County makes Chicago-style deep-dish pizza. The market is just waiting for you to corner it and then deliver to my home (well, my mom’s home but I help with the yard work and stuff so it’s like it’s mine).
Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Commissioner Dan’s Response: Thomas, sorry for not responding sooner, it was a tough morning and I needed an extended nap just to get to the point where it was time to leave the office.

I understand your pain and as you know, I live in a “no fly” zone for pizza delivery. I was really trying to keep this under wraps until the Commissioners were ready to make a formal announcement but I will let you in on a secret as long as you promise not to tell anyone else.

We Commissioners have been working day and night to solve what is clearly one of the most important issues to impact rural county residents, the lack of pizza delivery. When we first started looking at this issue we felt their might be some racial issue here or possibly some discrimination with respect to disenfranchised rural resident and pizza delivery however what we found was even more startling. Apparently, pizza places aren’t properly located in strategic locations around the county to provide proper delivery coverage.

Once again we spared no expense spending precious taxpayer dollars reviewing this issue. We formed a blue ribbon panel to first study the issue. To assure their minds were free to fully provide room for creative solutions, we used taxpayer dollars to fly them all to Maui for a month long stay, all expenses paid….by the taxpayers. This allowed them the proper space to find only the best solutions for what is clearly now a life and death issue. Of course daily message, catered food and an open bar were part of the process and paying the $2.4 million price tag was the least we could do.

Upon their return flight, First Class of course, we had a viable solution. The first part of that solution was to creating our own bio-engineering lab in the basement of the County building. Of course, we don’t have a basement so we had to build one but the $1.7 million price tag was nothing. Really, it’s not our money so who really cares right?

Anyway, what we are working on are pigs and cattle whose meat consists of different types of pizza toppings. Bio-engineering and genetic alterations are amazing things. Right now you can get a meat lovers Steer, a pepperoni and pineapple hog and more. I won’t expand on how we get the pineapple in the Hog but, well you can figure that out.

Our crack team of scientist are coming up with new flavors everyday. The beauty is, you simply slice the the tissue, again, made completely of pizza toppings including cheese, into thick or thin slices. The pre-made crust will be delivered to each rural citizen for free because we all know there are all kinds of free things the government like to provide.

Simply put the sliced animal on the raw crust, pop it in the oven at 425 degrees for 12-15 minutes for thin slice and 15 – 18 minutes for deep dish and there you go.

We have a few kinks to work out but we are well on our way and it’s only costing taxpayers about $25 million. Oh by the way, the downside is we had to eliminate Road and Bridge, the Sheriff’s department and many other departments but, we will all have pizza.

I’m thinking there may be a Nobel Prize in it for us but who knows.


Originally Posted: 7/2/2019

Wildfire Danger Prevention

June 28th, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, it’s pretty obvious what has to happen here. I tried to pull a burn permit yesterday after the rain but “hand stacked slash piles” were not permissible because of the danger they posed. If citizens of the county require permits to burn fires, then wildfires should be required to get a permit as well. The law should limit the size that fires are allowed to grow to. It should also take into consideration the effect of wind and upslopes before a wildfire permit is allowed. In addition, other counties and provinces should be charged a fee for their smoke trespassing into Bonner county. We could use the money to round up the geese at City Beach and have a big community BBQ featuring goose burgers, pulled goose sandwiches, goose legs and for the folks from the big city we can serve “Foie gras”. With the money saved from not having to transport the geese to CDA for a short vacation before they return from down south, we can give prizes for the best goose costume. In keeping with the reputation we have in North Idaho, it will be a fun event called, “Nooses for Gooses!”

Not sure why you didn’t think of this already but when I’m voted in as Commissioner, I’m planning on solving a lot of problems in this county so everyone will be happy.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Commissioner Dan’s Response: Thomas, we are beginning installation of anti-goose gun batteries all around the City just outside the city limits. This is to effectively keep the City of Sandpoint’s goose problem from migrating into the County.

Illegal migration is a serious thing we will be prepared to shoot down any geese looking to invade the counties airspace from the City of Sandpoint. Those geese already in the County are legal residents.

If you are interested, we will have several positions open to operate these goose batteries and will be taking applications.

Let me know


Originally Posted: 6/28/19

Promoting Tourism

June 1st, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, did you know that the county sheriff’s office owns several boats paid for with my tax dollars? I’m betting that most of the time they’re just sitting idle doing nothing but costing us more money.  What a waste of the hard earned money of Bonner County residents. Tourism is huge here in Bonner County and that’s when I got another great idea. I like to fish and I think I might like water skiing and tubing. Surely, I’m not alone here (well, of course right now I’m alone in mom’s basement while typing this but that’s not the point). Since these are community boats, I see no reason why we can’t reduce the tax burden on the community by renting the boats to those who want to use them when the deputies aren’t hunting down people who don’t have license numbers on the side of their floaty-toys at City Beach. And what about giving tours of the lake to people who are visiting. People can pick up a sandwich and a 24-pack of Bud and head down to the water for a tour. You could even have themed tours like, “All the places where boats hit the long bridge” or “locations where drunk-boaters were busted” (insert the theme song from Cops here – Bad Boys, Bad Boys!). The sheriff’s deputies could get a little extra spending money or they can use it for a fundraiser for the Panhandle Animal Shelter. I know you like animals. Do you want to see more pictures of my cat? Anyway, nothing says “this is a great place” than to see a sheriff’s boat towing a water skier. During water events like the Long Bridge Swim, the sheriff’s deputies can do a skiing pyramid in neon bathing suits while shooting at targets along the bridge. What kid wouldn’t want to grow up to be a peace officer at that site? When I’m voted in as commissioner, we’re going to have more multi-use events so we can get the most bang for the buck! This is a total win-win for the sheriff’s department and the tax payers of Bonner County.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Commissioner Dan’s Response: Thomas, best idea yet!

Ski or tube with a Sheriff. Pure genius. We can install wakeboard towers and large stereo speakers and folks can rent time to wake board while the deputies can keep an eye out for wake violators at the same time.

I’m thinking in the evening we could put a BBQ on the sheriff’s boats and offer a dinner cruise for tourists as well.

I’m so excited about this that i.might just have to.go into the office today and start planning this out. Sure it’s Saturday but good ideas don’t get a day off.


Originally Posted: 6/1/2019

Roads and Bridges

May 1st, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, Sadly, Bonner County Road and Bridge as an agency doesn’t express itself very creatively. I’m not talking about the zillion dollar “art” that was dropped off the back of a pickup at the round-abouts! We all use the roads and yet, if the county has had any say in the matter, the road signs are, well, pretty boring – a Sans serif font on a solid background. Even the signs with symbols on them are a yawn-fest. Usually some black silhouette of the same deer, cow, or rock that they used in the 1940s. THE 1940s!!! I’ll bet my driver’s license that the commissioners have never sat around in a meeting discussing more creative merge signs. What an opportunity! Does it cost any more to have a sign printed with block letters than beautiful calligraphy? Why not have a rainbow of options to replace the green address signs? Do the commissioners really think that if the fire department saw yellow address numbers on a red sign that they would just be left scratching their head because the sign wasn’t white on green? What if the speed limit numbers could be more italic for faster speeds? How much fun it would be if the mile marker signs were oval? Now that’s a knee slapper right there! When a new street sign is printed, the people who live there should be able to vote on the font and colors. As commissioner, it’s this kind of fun and beauty I’m going to bring to Bonner County Road and Bridge. Commissioner Dan, you have grandkids. Would you say “no” to letting them finger paint the population signs we see when we enter a town? I think not.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)


Originally Posted: 5/1/2019