Anatomy of an Election

October 1st, 2019

RANT: Dear Commissioner Dan, Sandpoint’s elections are well under way, why aren’t they addressing the important issues? I don’t understand why the commissioners of our county don’t do something about the most obvious concern that nobody is paying attention to? It’s been ignored by the city council and mayor for years. I guess everyone except me is willing to go along to get along. I’m a no-nonsense get-er-done kind of person writing letters to inspire people like you to do your job right. Part of that means you have to give up the name calling. I heard you say this in one of your campaign speeches and I let it go because I thought it was an oversight. That is until I heard it repeated by someone else. Designating Sandpoint as “The county seat” has a lot of implications regarding the anatomy of Bonner County. This kind of personification (you know I’m upset when I use six syllable words) is contempt on a scale that is far below the role of commissioner. This resulted in you using my tax money to pay $90 million to create a bypass around the town along the lake shore so as to block their view of the lake. Aren’t there better, more productive ways to resolve your differences? What about a tug-of-war between the new mayor and yourself, or big mud wrestling match between the newly elected city council members and the county commissioners.  You could wear costumes that include Speedo swimsuits and masks that make it look very professional like I’ve seen on TV. By charging people five bucks to attend you can raise money for a good cause, like giving every citizen who attends $5.00 to show how much you love them.  You see, Dan, while the candidates are fighting, you could be fighting to bring people together and create harmony rather than making Sandpoint the butt of your jokes, literally. After all, Sandpoint has the court house, the sheriff’s office, the DMV, hall of records, our hospital, the Army Surplus store, and I believe your office is there as well. With so much business and government activity being conducted there Sandpoint might better be called something like “The Capital of Bonner County”. Perhaps a suitable name can be determined by the three county commissioners in one of your big-wig meetings that I see on the interwebs. Or you can simply wait until I’m voted in as commissioner as my own campaign is really getting under way now that I’ve been writing these hard hitting letters for a year now. I’ve gotten a lot of really positive feedback about these letters from my favorite aunt and mom (Hi Mom!). Anyway, I have to close but wanted to keep you abreast of my thoughts… I mean, apprised of my thoughts.

~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Originally posted:


Snow Plows in Summer

September 4th, 2019

RANT: Dear Commissioner Dan, just because we are rural doesn’t mean we have to be uncivilized. I’d been thinking about a deer carcass I’d seen on the side of Highway 95 that died when it tried to occupy the same space and time as a Ford F-250. At the time I was with some visiting friends from the big city and they were upset when they saw body of the deer lying on the side of the road. I just didn’t have the heart to let them think that we often just leave the animals there to rot. So, I explained that on cold nights the deer like to sleep along the roads because the ground there is warmed by the sun. I told them that the deer is not dead; that this sweet creature is sleeping peacefully and will get up later in the day to frolic among the huckleberries. They were quite relieved by this and we went on our merry way. I guess I lost the chance to teach someone how to gut and quarter a deer before loading it into my car.  This was a mistake that became clear when they became suspicious the next day when the same deer was lying in the same position in the same spot. I mentioned something about “migration patterns”. They were inconsolable on the third day when they realized that this deer was very much dead. I guess there’s only so much we can do to hide the blemishes of rural life.

Speaking of blemishes, my tax dollars are currently paying for snow plows and trucks that are sitting idle at this very moment. It’s 2:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep but even if it were the afternoon they’d be sitting there rusting in some Chernobyl like waste land somewhere in Bonner County.  It’s often during these quiet times when my mom’s asleep that I come up with some of the most brilliant contributions to the county. Since we’re paying for these plows already, why not put them to work in the summer as well as winter. “But how?” I asked myself (because there’s nobody else here). And that’s when it struck me like a deer in headlights… literally.

Surely the men who run the plows are getting paid to do nothing during the summer. We could have them answer the phones when county citizens call in and report a dead deer, moose, skunk, whatever on the side of the road. These men who spend the summers keeping the dust off plows can be dispatched with their big trucks and big plows to go and, shall we say, make sport of the carcass and move it away from the road in a beautiful flight like an angel that just got its wings. This will result in fertilizing the grass along the roads. Such a service would make the county more pleasant and litter free. This is another win-win that I thought of and the kind of creative thinking I’m going to bring to the county when I’m elected commissioner. I don’t understand why the commissioners can’t work a little harder at 2:30 in the morning to come up with ideas like this.

~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Original Posted:

Commissioner Dan’s Response: Thomas, you may not know that during the summer months we send our plow trucks to Florida to stay at the Villages retirement community. There they help keep flamingo’s, crabs and some New York retirees off of the cart paths at the golf course, a far easier job than plowing snow. This allows the proper amount of time for them to get the rest they need before migrating north to Bonner County to serve the taxpayers.

While in Florida, we have a specially trained group of dolphins who do the operating. As you know, the dolphins are warm water creatures which would explain why we don’t use them full time here in Bonner County.

As far as the men who run the plows and their work during the summer, we have them busy doing a great number of things. Many of them get involved in helping train young fish on how to swim and helping a few of the slow learner birds on proper flight technique. We have also found that many of our Road and Bridge operators fill in for the Umpa Lumpa’s at Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory providing an extension to their public service.

All joking aside, the plow trucks get converted to dump trucks for summer road work and our operators, who in my opinion are some of the best I’ve seen, are out doing road improvements all summer. They are also responsible for keeping rampaging elephants and Polar Bears out of Bonner County. Most folks recognize their good work as you don’t ever see rampaging elephants or Polar Bears anywhere in Bonner County.

But thanks again Thomas for thinking outside the box and coming up with solutions instead of just complaining. I look forward to seeing you run for office.

-19 Degrees, August 13th

August 13th, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, this may be the last time you ever hear from me because I froze to death. So far, our water pipes have burst, I have frostbite, 3 deer have frozen to death on my lawn, and a bear has begun hibernating in my shed. Needless to say it hasn’t gone unnoticed here in Cocolalla that you’ve left the air conditioner running and you’re simply wasting taxpayer money on electricity. Don’t make me come down to the county building to deal with this. Well, I can’t anyway because my car won’t start but that’s not the point. Very angry. Very cold.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Daylight Shaving Time

August 5th, 2019
RANT: Dear Commissioner Dan, as you know on December 18th, 2018 we had a rather heated exchange here on Facebook. Please don’t tell me you don’t remember because it was a critical issue that I brought to light (literally). You made a promise and I was very grateful because it “appeared” that you were truly a man of your word. Fool me once, Commissioner Dan! I’m sure that you recall, but maybe some others have forgotten because they were lulled into a false sense of enlightenment by your slick words so here’s the conversation:
It would appear that the county is going back on its grant of daylight to the people of our community. This is simply not acceptable and shows the dark side of government. He that giveth can also taketh away-ith! Has there been some decrease in our taxes? Nope – and yet services are decreasing by the day in such small incremental amounts that most people won’t notice. Believe me, I’m losing sleep over this and it’s your fault. Good grief man, have you no heart? Do you not realize what this means??? (Note THREE question marks because I demand answers!). I didn’t want to disclose why I wanted more daylight back then but since we’re almost colleagues in government with me running for election, I feel that I can open up to you a little more. Just you, nobody else. I lay in bed at night, I noticed that it’s getting darker at 8:00 p.m. and the beasts that live under my bed begin to stir earlier and earlier. They don’t take kindly to daylight and so, my life has been more peaceful with the increase in daylight and some changes to my medications. But now, I can only imagine dark days ahead. Stop it, Commissioner Dan, give us our money’s worth of daylight. Don’t test this man of action. I’m desperate and I don’t like to make threats but I know where you live. If I can’t sleep for fear of my life, you are going to know what it’s like to lose the sleep which you hold dear. If I can’t sleep, you and your wife are going to wake up with nightmares, in cold sweats, terrorized by your greatest fear. If I can’t sleep, you can expect to see my silhouette showing up in your bedroom doorway …asking for a glass of water every single night until you return daylight to the citizens of Bonner County.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Original Posted: 8/5/19

Commissioner Dan’s Response: Thomas, first of all, this is fake news. The days are not getting shorter, it’s just your imagination brought on by paranoia, a common side effect of your medication. I would suggest you see your doctor soon about a change in your current medication and dosage.

As far as the beasts under your bed, in your closest in your head (to quote the great philosophers Metallica), those are actually real and the County has complete control over them. They are more than happy to do our evil bidding. So there are two ways this can go and neither are good for you LOL.

In reality, we thought we had a solution regarding our ability to stop the axis of the earth from tipping in it’s normal yearly cycle however the $100 million dollars of taxpayer money we spent (oh by the way, your property taxes just tripled because of this) was apparently a failure. We thought purchasing 10,000 winged unicorns to fly to the north pole and use their amazing winged powers to keep the earth from slowly tipping on it’s axis would work. Unfortunately, the Unicorns unionized and are now on a work strike. They want to be paid in Sasquatch meat, a rare delicacy for them and we just haven’t been able to find a single Big Foot to freed them. By the way, the search costs for Big Foot have escalated to just under $50 million so your taxes will have to double to pay for that as well.

We at the County will continue to spend as much as we can to help make good on this promise and have an idea which includes contracting with the Loch Ness monster, Leprechauns and some witches in hopes of achieving our promise for you. Money is clearly no object or barrier to achieving our goal to provide you with day after day of improved sunlight and warm temperatures. Of course money is no object because the only money the County has we take from you, so, fear not.

Keep your sunscreen handy as I think this time it may work.

Serving Rural America

July 2nd, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, It’s been my observation that some services aren’t being provided throughout the county but instead are concentrated in areas of greater population. This kind of classist system might be acceptable in some third world countries but I’m shocked to find that my family is on the list of “Have-Nots” in this community. It’s completely hit or miss when it comes to local deliveries. Good companies like UPS and FedEx have no problem delivering my favorite porcelain goat figurines for my collection from afar but when it comes to some local items – we in rural Bonner County are simply underserved. Could it be that city people get more attention because there are more voters and tax money there? I should hope not. Why is it that a simple thing like pizza deliveries is a total stumbling block for the commissioners to resolve? Is there anyone in the entire county that doesn’t like pizza? NO! I know from where you live you can’t get pizza delivered and yet you just ignore the problem that affects every man, woman, child, pets and many livestock in the county. I’ve never been accused of being a man-of-action until I started running for commissioner. Clearly, I’m the kind of visionary this community needs. I like you, Dan, and I’d be willing to work side-by-side as a fellow commissioner with you, but when it comes to solving problems in this county, you have to step up to the plate (pun intended). And don’t try to sell me on some frozen pizza delivered from afar via FedEx. Please, focus on the local pizza delivery issue because there are people starving for it in the community. Are you just going to let people, maybe your own neighbors, starve? Once this takes off, we can discuss the type of pizza that most people want. Being from Chicago-land, deep-dish is my favorite but there are many others who make a pizza shaped object that tastes good, too. And to all the pizza shop owners reading this, nobody in Bonner County makes Chicago-style deep-dish pizza. The market is just waiting for you to corner it and then deliver to my home (well, my mom’s home but I help with the yard work and stuff so it’s like it’s mine).
Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Commissioner Dan’s Response: Thomas, sorry for not responding sooner, it was a tough morning and I needed an extended nap just to get to the point where it was time to leave the office.

I understand your pain and as you know, I live in a “no fly” zone for pizza delivery. I was really trying to keep this under wraps until the Commissioners were ready to make a formal announcement but I will let you in on a secret as long as you promise not to tell anyone else.

We Commissioners have been working day and night to solve what is clearly one of the most important issues to impact rural county residents, the lack of pizza delivery. When we first started looking at this issue we felt their might be some racial issue here or possibly some discrimination with respect to disenfranchised rural resident and pizza delivery however what we found was even more startling. Apparently, pizza places aren’t properly located in strategic locations around the county to provide proper delivery coverage.

Once again we spared no expense spending precious taxpayer dollars reviewing this issue. We formed a blue ribbon panel to first study the issue. To assure their minds were free to fully provide room for creative solutions, we used taxpayer dollars to fly them all to Maui for a month long stay, all expenses paid….by the taxpayers. This allowed them the proper space to find only the best solutions for what is clearly now a life and death issue. Of course daily message, catered food and an open bar were part of the process and paying the $2.4 million price tag was the least we could do.

Upon their return flight, First Class of course, we had a viable solution. The first part of that solution was to creating our own bio-engineering lab in the basement of the County building. Of course, we don’t have a basement so we had to build one but the $1.7 million price tag was nothing. Really, it’s not our money so who really cares right?

Anyway, what we are working on are pigs and cattle whose meat consists of different types of pizza toppings. Bio-engineering and genetic alterations are amazing things. Right now you can get a meat lovers Steer, a pepperoni and pineapple hog and more. I won’t expand on how we get the pineapple in the Hog but, well you can figure that out.

Our crack team of scientist are coming up with new flavors everyday. The beauty is, you simply slice the the tissue, again, made completely of pizza toppings including cheese, into thick or thin slices. The pre-made crust will be delivered to each rural citizen for free because we all know there are all kinds of free things the government like to provide.

Simply put the sliced animal on the raw crust, pop it in the oven at 425 degrees for 12-15 minutes for thin slice and 15 – 18 minutes for deep dish and there you go.

We have a few kinks to work out but we are well on our way and it’s only costing taxpayers about $25 million. Oh by the way, the downside is we had to eliminate Road and Bridge, the Sheriff’s department and many other departments but, we will all have pizza.

I’m thinking there may be a Nobel Prize in it for us but who knows.


Originally Posted: 7/2/2019

Wildfire Danger Prevention

June 28th, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, it’s pretty obvious what has to happen here. I tried to pull a burn permit yesterday after the rain but “hand stacked slash piles” were not permissible because of the danger they posed. If citizens of the county require permits to burn fires, then wildfires should be required to get a permit as well. The law should limit the size that fires are allowed to grow to. It should also take into consideration the effect of wind and upslopes before a wildfire permit is allowed. In addition, other counties and provinces should be charged a fee for their smoke trespassing into Bonner county. We could use the money to round up the geese at City Beach and have a big community BBQ featuring goose burgers, pulled goose sandwiches, goose legs and for the folks from the big city we can serve “Foie gras”. With the money saved from not having to transport the geese to CDA for a short vacation before they return from down south, we can give prizes for the best goose costume. In keeping with the reputation we have in North Idaho, it will be a fun event called, “Nooses for Gooses!”

Not sure why you didn’t think of this already but when I’m voted in as Commissioner, I’m planning on solving a lot of problems in this county so everyone will be happy.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Commissioner Dan’s Response: Thomas, we are beginning installation of anti-goose gun batteries all around the City just outside the city limits. This is to effectively keep the City of Sandpoint’s goose problem from migrating into the County.

Illegal migration is a serious thing we will be prepared to shoot down any geese looking to invade the counties airspace from the City of Sandpoint. Those geese already in the County are legal residents.

If you are interested, we will have several positions open to operate these goose batteries and will be taking applications.

Let me know


Originally Posted: 6/28/19

Promoting Tourism

June 1st, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, did you know that the county sheriff’s office owns several boats paid for with my tax dollars? I’m betting that most of the time they’re just sitting idle doing nothing but costing us more money.  What a waste of the hard earned money of Bonner County residents. Tourism is huge here in Bonner County and that’s when I got another great idea. I like to fish and I think I might like water skiing and tubing. Surely, I’m not alone here (well, of course right now I’m alone in mom’s basement while typing this but that’s not the point). Since these are community boats, I see no reason why we can’t reduce the tax burden on the community by renting the boats to those who want to use them when the deputies aren’t hunting down people who don’t have license numbers on the side of their floaty-toys at City Beach. And what about giving tours of the lake to people who are visiting. People can pick up a sandwich and a 24-pack of Bud and head down to the water for a tour. You could even have themed tours like, “All the places where boats hit the long bridge” or “locations where drunk-boaters were busted” (insert the theme song from Cops here – Bad Boys, Bad Boys!). The sheriff’s deputies could get a little extra spending money or they can use it for a fundraiser for the Panhandle Animal Shelter. I know you like animals. Do you want to see more pictures of my cat? Anyway, nothing says “this is a great place” than to see a sheriff’s boat towing a water skier. During water events like the Long Bridge Swim, the sheriff’s deputies can do a skiing pyramid in neon bathing suits while shooting at targets along the bridge. What kid wouldn’t want to grow up to be a peace officer at that site? When I’m voted in as commissioner, we’re going to have more multi-use events so we can get the most bang for the buck! This is a total win-win for the sheriff’s department and the tax payers of Bonner County.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Commissioner Dan’s Response: Thomas, best idea yet!

Ski or tube with a Sheriff. Pure genius. We can install wakeboard towers and large stereo speakers and folks can rent time to wake board while the deputies can keep an eye out for wake violators at the same time.

I’m thinking in the evening we could put a BBQ on the sheriff’s boats and offer a dinner cruise for tourists as well.

I’m so excited about this that i.might just have to.go into the office today and start planning this out. Sure it’s Saturday but good ideas don’t get a day off.


Originally Posted: 6/1/2019

Roads and Bridges

May 1st, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, Sadly, Bonner County Road and Bridge as an agency doesn’t express itself very creatively. I’m not talking about the zillion dollar “art” that was dropped off the back of a pickup at the round-abouts! We all use the roads and yet, if the county has had any say in the matter, the road signs are, well, pretty boring – a Sans serif font on a solid background. Even the signs with symbols on them are a yawn-fest. Usually some black silhouette of the same deer, cow, or rock that they used in the 1940s. THE 1940s!!! I’ll bet my driver’s license that the commissioners have never sat around in a meeting discussing more creative merge signs. What an opportunity! Does it cost any more to have a sign printed with block letters than beautiful calligraphy? Why not have a rainbow of options to replace the green address signs? Do the commissioners really think that if the fire department saw yellow address numbers on a red sign that they would just be left scratching their head because the sign wasn’t white on green? What if the speed limit numbers could be more italic for faster speeds? How much fun it would be if the mile marker signs were oval? Now that’s knee slapper right there! When a new street sign is printed, the people who live there should be able to vote on the font and colors. As commissioner, it’s this kind of fun and beauty I’m going to bring to Bonner County Road and Bridge. Commissioner Dan, you have grandkids. Would you say “no” to letting them finger paint the population signs we see when we enter a town? I think not.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)


Originally Posted: 5/1/2019

Private Property Rights

April 1st, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, Are new residents notified that buying property comes with some responsibilities? I’ve been reviewing the minutes from the commissioner meetings and it doesn’t appear that you guys have EVER addressed the problem of gravity avalanching downhill and carrying with it dangerous objects? I live on the side of a mountain and my neighbor lives about a quarter-mile above my property. Among other things, the commissioners need to make more laws to prevent him from breaking my windows and denting my car. It happened again this week. A croquet ball came right through the kitchen window. Last time a bocce ball picked off my dog. All because I live in a “free range” area where privately owned gravity is allowed to freely cross property lines. Gravity is “huge,” it’s almost everywhere in the county so don’t act like this is not the commissioners’ responsibility. It’s his gravity and I don’t want it crossing onto my private property. While I’m no scientist, my bathroom scale proves that I’m getting more gravity than I will ever need. The Assessor threatened to spike my property values when she discovered I had more gravity than I’d originally purchased with the property. This is becoming more urgent by the day — I saw his kid carrying a new lawn bowling set into the house yesterday. Please, don’t act like I’m the only one that has this problem. This is the type of thing that I will address head on when voted in as Commissioner. In the mean time, please do your job and stop privately owned gravity from piling up in my yard!
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen!)

Commissioner Dan’s Response: I need to give this issue some deeper thought but my first reaction is that your neighbor has some balls.

Originally Posted: 4/1/2019

County Trespassing Problems

March 5th, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, I don’t want to sound racist by bringing up the fact that you have some Native American blood running through your veins, but I object to your favoring “certain organized groups” when it comes to property rights. Commissioners, who appear to be turning a blind eye to the problem, are supposed to be objective but I feel I’m getting the short shrift in this county just because I’m a white male of European descent. I’m talking about trespassing by “First Nations Creatures!” The deed to my property gives me control over who can and cannot come onto my land. Trust me, I’ve put up “No Trespassing” signs in accordance with the new laws, but this bunch has a total entitlement mentality and act like the signs don’t apply to them. I moved to a rural area to enjoy the wildlife but I never saw this coming. My crazy neighbors are “First Nations Creatures” that act like they can trespass with impunity and when I try to talk to them they run away. Whether a deer, moose, turkey, coyote, mountain lion, or other woodland creature, they never ask permission and they come around at all hours like my land is some kind of party house. Don’t get me started on having to clean up after them to avoid violating the county pooper-scooper laws. If I hear another snow shoe hare say, “We were here first!” one more time, I’m going to take matters into my own hands. I insist that you put aside your biases and enforce the trespassing laws that are on the books. “First Nations Creatures” aren’t exempt from the law and the commissioners need to take action now!

~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen!)

Commission Dan’s Response: Thomas, the proper term is indigenous animals Mr. White European.

It’s a well known fact that most wildlife are Communists/Socialist. It’s one of the reasons some hunt them. I would venture to say your unsuccessful conversations with them may be a result of your Illinois dialect and possibly the content. Additionally, you seem to be ungrateful towards their attempts to turn you landscaping into fertilizer at no cost to you.

Additionally, because Idaho’s wildlife are a protected class, no trespassing signs do not apply to them so you are just wasting your time. They also find the shear mention of rules against their behavior to be offensive.

We had considered building a wall around the County and having Idaho Fish and Game pay for it but there are some geographic limitations and logistical challenges.

As far as them running away, well, how do I approach this issue in a sensitive manner, ummm, look in a mirror and ask yourself, is that face the face of a a calm, friendly person that isn’t just trying to put these poor animals in his freezer?

And for the record, don’t talk to the snow shoe hares. They are notorious for being sarcastic and uncaring. Don’t let that cute nose and fluffy tail fool you, they are constantly talking crap behind your back.

Being that I am with the government, I want to let you know I hear your concerns and are creating a blue ribbon citizens advisory committee to tackle this important issue. We will be increasing your taxes next year to cover the estimated $20 million dollar study to come up with a $50 million dollar solution that we will then choose not to implement due to budget constraints while at the same time patting ourselves on the back because we showed we listened and we cared.

In the mean time, I would recommend you start marking your own territory or just have some posters printed up with your face on them and post them strategically around the perimeter of your property. That should work for now.

Original Post: 3/5/2019

Russians, Cold War

February 16th, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, How is life up there in the Ivory Tower paid for with my hard earned money? We are at DEFCON ONE and you probably don’t even know the significance of 477, but that is how many feet the magnetic North Pole is moving toward Russia every single day (according to the National Oceanic Administration), and I seem to be the only taxpayer who cares! I love North Idaho, but it’s just a matter of time before it will be West Idaho if the Ruskies have their way. “GPS” is false security for those who can’t see where this is heading? Once the Reds get their hands on the North Pole, one EMP (Electromagnetic Pulse) will knock out all the GPSs and *POOF!* Santa is never going to find Bonner County in 2019. I’m not some kind of conspiracy nut, this is serious. With no directional abilities, this is the Grinch that stole Christmas, BUT FOR REAL. The children and grandchildren of this county are the voters of tomorrow. Is your legacy going to be that you made them all cry when you lost the cold war, or are you going to use the power of the commissioner’s office to change the direction we’re heading, literally? If I were commissioner, I’d be rallying the resources of the county and moving Santa’s entire workshop to someplace remote like Scotchman Peaks where the staff can continue their efforts. Not only will this bolster county employment and taxes, it will secure my election with all the children, parents, grandparents and grateful elves, who will be voting for me. You need to do this quickly before Trump gets that wall built because elves can’t climb onto a regular couch, much less climb over a giant wall. Pick up the phone and call the North Pole while it’s still “North Pole” or you’ll be getting a lump of coal this Christmas … or not, because I can’t find your house without GPS.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen!)


Original Post: 2/16/2019

Substandard Lake Water

January 28th, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, I rarely complain in my opinion, but want to talk about the water quality in Lake Pend O’Reille. It hasn’t gone unnoticed that the lake rarely freezes over completely. It’s water, it’s winter, it’s below 32 degrees — yet the lake water remains “water” all winter. Why does the county use substandard H2O that doesn’t freeze properly? The commissioners may be able to save a buck on cheap water, but not having ice skaters and snow mobiles falling through the ice is steeling these cherished childhood memories from the next generation. We pay taxes for a year round experience that includes water that freezes. So, unless you’re going to issue tax refunds, something needs to be done to install water that works properly. Cheap water is not the answer. You’ve fooled the boaters who just assume it’s frozen so they stay home for heaven’s sakes.  But you’re not going to fool me. If I were voted in as commissioner, I would pull together state, federal, international and interstellar support to bring better water to Bonner County. People come from far and wide to see the lake and imagine the look of confusion on their faces when they see a non-frozen lake sitting there. I don’t even invite family at this time of year because I don’t want to explain that we voted people who skimp on water quality into office. The commissioners need to budget better water in 2019.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen!)


Originally Posted: 1/28/19

Happy New Year, not.

January 1st, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, Happy New Year and remember, my taxes pay for that fancy new snow shovel I saw you buying at Wal-Mart.  I hope that wasn’t a selfish gift for yourself, but rather you were buying something nice for your wife. Anyway, with the new year, the county didn’t waste a minute to start sending out communications with 2019 on them. I’ll be putting 2018 on my checks and letters for about 45 days into the new year. I can’t imagine what it costs to have computer systems that instantly update the year at the stroke of midnight. Nobody’s even in the office and yet we’re paying for them to be tracking time like NORAD. This is wasted tax money in my opinion. You talked in your campaign about having a friendlier office atmosphere. When I was a kid and still today we had paper calendars that required the human touch to flip them so we could see the new month. As a bonus, each new month came with a new pretty picture. That’s much more fun than coming in the office only to discover that the county has paid big bucks for some heartless computer that has done this already – without the pretty picture. I can name a few stores in the area that give away calendars for free. I go early and grab a few dozen for me and my wife so we know the date in every room in the house… plus the shop, woodshed, pump-house, doghouse, outhouse, chicken coop, pickup, and my tree stand. I’ll bet the commissioners never thought of using the free calendars to eliminate bonuses if you just give them to each employee to take home and enjoy for the entire year. It’s a gift that keeps on giving. This is the kind of “out-of-the-box” thinking that I will bring to the office when I’m elected commissioner. In the mean time, I’m giving you permission to use my idea. The commissioners should get those free calendars now and refund the savings to the people of Bonner County who work hard.  You’re welcome.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)


Originally Posted: 1/1/2019

Water Quality

December 27th, 2018

Dear Commissioner Dan, Where is the fairness that results in paying our taxes? With the Christmas festivities underway it occurred to me that there’s a disparity of fairness in products sold in Bonner County. The commissioners need to address the fact that the water in this county has almost no flavor or calories, while eggnog sold in private stores has an abundance of both. This is a perfect example of government services doing poorly compared to private enterprises. I think that the county needs to step up to the challenge of providing better liquid refreshments, if it’s going to be in that business. I pay more in annual county taxes than I’ve ever budgeted for my annual eggnog purchases and yet the eggnog is so much better. When I’m commissioner of Bonner County, I’ll pull the resources of the county together to upgrade the rainfall to include gumdrops, lollipops, cats and dogs, pet rocks, and other items much more fun and flavorful than water. Until then, the flavor of snow around here could be improved greatly and distributed in more places than around fire hydrants and trees.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen!)


Original Post: 12/27/2018

Standing Up For The Opposition

December 12th, 2018

Dear Commissioner Dan, Your opponent would have thought of this but he’s not around (MIA) so I’m here to help.

We pay a lot of money in taxes to deal with snow, Commissioner Dan! And what do we get for it? I noticed that the county is just pushing the snow to the side of the roads. It’s happening everywhere! If snow costs the county so much money, why fritter it away by leaving it just sit on the side of the road to melt? Why aren’t the commissioners working on a program to recover this valuable commodity and get some kind of return for our tax dollars? We could employ a lot of heavy equipment operators to haul that stuff to market where the hard working people of our community could get a return on their investment. Then we could afford to buy things like sand, glycol and daylight without paying more taxes. In heavy winters, tax payers could get a huge refund. This is the kind of “out-of-the-box” thinking I’m going to bring to the office when I run for commissioner.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)

Commissioner Dan’s Response: Thomas, what the plows do is of course collect the snow and put it in a more concentrated form. Once that is complete, we have a special crew of gnomes that carefully transport the snow using tablespoons to an area where the County converts it to sunshine. Unfortunately, the time it take for collection and conversion is months so we don’t realize the positive affects of the County’s snow-to-shine conversion until about June however, that collected snow provides the extra daylight we all enjoy during the summer months. It’s a secret so please don’t share this info but we cleverly hide this top secret program by telling folks that the days are longer in the summer due to the earth’s tipping at it’s axis. To date, we have been able to keep this secret and fool the public in every County in this country so again, promise me you won’t let this leak out.

This is but one secret program all the Counties in the US operation right under the noses of the citizens without them suspecting anything. I wish I could divulge the secret about ocean tides and the real reason pizza boxes are square when the pizza is round but, well you know, I took an oath.


Originally Posted: 12/12/2018