Archive for February, 2019

Russians, Cold War

Saturday, February 16th, 2019

Dear Commissioner Dan, How is life up there in the Ivory Tower paid for with my hard earned money? We are at DEFCON ONE and you probably don’t even know the significance of 477, but that is how many feet the magnetic North Pole is moving toward Russia every single day (according to the National Oceanic Administration), and I seem to be the only taxpayer who cares! I love North Idaho, but it’s just a matter of time before it will be West Idaho if the Ruskies have their way. “GPS” is false security for those who can’t see where this is heading? Once the Reds get their hands on the North Pole, one EMP (Electromagnetic Pulse) will knock out all the GPSs and *POOF!* Santa is never going to find Bonner County in 2019. I’m not some kind of conspiracy nut, this is serious. With no directional abilities, this is the Grinch that stole Christmas, BUT FOR REAL. The children and grandchildren of this county are the voters of tomorrow. Is your legacy going to be that you made them all cry when you lost the cold war, or are you going to use the power of the commissioner’s office to change the direction we’re heading, literally? If I were commissioner, I’d be rallying the resources of the county and moving Santa’s entire workshop to someplace remote like Scotchman Peaks where the staff can continue their efforts. Not only will this bolster county employment and taxes, it will secure my election with all the children, parents, grandparents and grateful elves, who will be voting for me. You need to do this quickly before Trump gets that wall built because elves can’t climb onto a regular couch, much less climb over a giant wall. Pick up the phone and call the North Pole while it’s still “North Pole” or you’ll be getting a lump of coal this Christmas … or not, because I can’t find your house without GPS.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen!)


Original Post: 2/16/2019