County Trespassing Problems

Dear Commissioner Dan, I don’t want to sound racist by bringing up the fact that you have some Native American blood running through your veins, but I object to your favoring “certain organized groups” when it comes to property rights. Commissioners, who appear to be turning a blind eye to the problem, are supposed to be objective but I feel I’m getting the short shrift in this county just because I’m a white male of European descent. I’m talking about trespassing by “First Nations Creatures!” The deed to my property gives me control over who can and cannot come onto my land. Trust me, I’ve put up “No Trespassing” signs in accordance with the new laws, but this bunch has a total entitlement mentality and act like the signs don’t apply to them. I moved to a rural area to enjoy the wildlife but I never saw this coming. My crazy neighbors are “First Nations Creatures” that act like they can trespass with impunity and when I try to talk to them they run away. Whether a deer, moose, turkey, coyote, mountain lion, or other woodland creature, they never ask permission and they come around at all hours like my land is some kind of party house. Don’t get me started on having to clean up after them to avoid violating the county pooper-scooper laws. If I hear another snow shoe hare say, “We were here first!” one more time, I’m going to take matters into my own hands. I insist that you put aside your biases and enforce the trespassing laws that are on the books. “First Nations Creatures” aren’t exempt from the law and the commissioners need to take action now!

~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen!)

Commission Dan’s Response: Thomas, the proper term is indigenous animals Mr. White European.

It’s a well known fact that most wildlife are Communists/Socialist. It’s one of the reasons some hunt them. I would venture to say your unsuccessful conversations with them may be a result of your Illinois dialect and possibly the content. Additionally, you seem to be ungrateful towards their attempts to turn you landscaping into fertilizer at no cost to you.

Additionally, because Idaho’s wildlife are a protected class, no trespassing signs do not apply to them so you are just wasting your time. They also find the shear mention of rules against their behavior to be offensive.

We had considered building a wall around the County and having Idaho Fish and Game pay for it but there are some geographic limitations and logistical challenges.

As far as them running away, well, how do I approach this issue in a sensitive manner, ummm, look in a mirror and ask yourself, is that face the face of a a calm, friendly person that isn’t just trying to put these poor animals in his freezer?

And for the record, don’t talk to the snow shoe hares. They are notorious for being sarcastic and uncaring. Don’t let that cute nose and fluffy tail fool you, they are constantly talking crap behind your back.

Being that I am with the government, I want to let you know I hear your concerns and are creating a blue ribbon citizens advisory committee to tackle this important issue. We will be increasing your taxes next year to cover the estimated $20 million dollar study to come up with a $50 million dollar solution that we will then choose not to implement due to budget constraints while at the same time patting ourselves on the back because we showed we listened and we cared.

In the mean time, I would recommend you start marking your own territory or just have some posters printed up with your face on them and post them strategically around the perimeter of your property. That should work for now.

Original Post: 3/5/2019

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