RANT: Dear Commissioner Dan, everyone knows about the chem-trails the federal government, at the behest of big pharma, is raining down on us in order to weaken our immune system so they can inject mercury into our veins through vaccines in order to make us more appetizing to aliens. While that’s true, I’m writing about a much more insidious plot to take over America. I’m referring to the cold war that Canadians have launched against the USA. My friends tell my I’m crazy but when you look at a map of a “polar vortex” – what country does it originate from? Right now, the Kanooks are burning millions of acres of forests just to weaken our defenses before the entire Canadian military, all 645 of them, will come marching across the international boarder to take over our country – eh? It’s no secret that they’re already militarizing the sport of hockey. Just imagine what Facebook would be like if everyone had to be nice. I digress. I feel very vulnerable that the only military installation we have in this county is the almost vacant National Guard outpost in Bonners Ferry. At least it’s not as bad as some unmentioned county that has a submarine base some 375 miles from the nearest ocean. It really makes me wonder if the aliens haven’t gotten to the commissioners of nearby counties – are you next? And even if it’s not so diabolical, the commissioners need to stop this from happening because it is causing harm to men, women, and children. Did you catch the part where I mentioned “the children”? Clearly this means I’m very serious. As commissioner I would rally the resources of the county and to demand that Canada stop their insidious behavior. This would assure all of us the comfort of clean air and milder winters. I am handing you a chance to be an American hero on a silver platter, Commissioner Dan. If you want, I will personally drive you to the boarder of Canada where you can demand to see their leader. I have stockpiled enough tinfoil for the two of us. Let’s make a difference.
Now that someone is shooting video of the County Board beatings… I mean meetings, I can hold you accountable from the comfort and security of my mom’s basement. I know if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake. Merry Christmas, Commissioner Dan.
~Thomas (A Concerned Citizen)
Originally posted: https://www.facebook.com/groups/295451137833488/permalink/439603470084920/
Commissioner Dan responds…
Thomas, sorry for my delayed response. I was actually doing recon over the border in Canadian territory and was radio silent for several days. I chose a Caribou costume as I know how much the Canadians love their Caribou however it created some unintended consequences.
After day three of my recon I was shot with a tranquilizer gun and relocated to a Caribou breeding pen. Now I’ve never been in prison and not only am heterosexual but also like to keep “relations” within my own species so the stress and the associated violence was a bit much. I was finally able to make my escape by exchanging my Caribou costume for a Trump mask. Trudeau immediately had me deported back the US…..thank God.
My recon was important is gaining knowledge of troop strength and overall ready status.
I am confident that our upcoming invasion will be successful. We have mobilized elite personnel from some County staff along with a brigade of folks from retirement centers. They are cranky and itching for a fight but only until Matlock comes on at 5 and then we have to take the night off. We have found an untapped resource in our more mature members of our society that are fed up with just about everything and are tired of having to yell at folks to get off their lawn. We are channeling that anger for our upcoming assault.
Soon, the USA will be the proud owners of the country to the north that we will rename, US part B or USB for short.
I must refrain from giving out too much more info and have to go pick up some tactical walkers for those that need it along with some additional medication that include some interesting side effects.
It’s important to not underestimate our elders in the community with their years of experience and wisdom. We have given them purpose and look forward to their great victory and to stopping the invasion from the north…….winter is coming!